An Open Letter (or Blog Post) to My Future Boyfriend/Husband/Cats

I wish I knew who you were now, ’cause this whole dating thing is a real son of a bitch.

Anywho, you are one brave soul. Do you have any idea what you just got yourself into?! If there is time (aka no ring/we don’t have children/you don’t rely on me for nourishment and shelter (more for the cat who’s reading this)), RUN. I’m serious. You just opened and jumped into a can of crazy with no swimmies. Are you nuts?

I’m totally kidding.

As I’m sure you know by now, I am really good at deflecting my feelings with sarcasm and humor. I am sorry. I’m sure there have been multiple times you’ve wanted to either strangle me or tell me to be serious for a fucking second. I hope you chose the latter. It’s just my defense mechanism, and at some point, I will decide that you are worthy of the sometime serious me, and will drop the act. I promise. Just be patient with me. I just have a hard time letting people in. Usually, when that happens, I get taken advantage of and lied to. But I know I’ve started picking better, so I know you won’t do that to me. Right?

Have I told you yet about my relationship history? My track record isn’t that great. Unfortunately, I can trace that back to the 17 year old me, when I was in a real domestic violence relationship. Yup, you heard that right. Strong willed, loud mouth me is a survivor of domestic violence. The type where someone you love (and believe loves you) tells you every day how awful, fat, slutty, stupid, worthless, and unlovable you are. It really wears on a girl. Luckily, I got out before he killed me (which my mama was 100% sure he was going to do), but it took a while for me to shake it off. I guess that’s why I work so well with offenders and victims in domestic violence cases at work; I’ve been there.

How does it feel to be with someone who works in law enforcement? Being a probation officer is hard work, and I’m sorry if I bring it home sometimes. I appreciate the fact that you don’t mind being with a woman who can whip ass and take care of herself if need be, and give me the space to do so. But thanks also for allowing me to be a soft woman when I want to be.

Thank you for giving me the space to be independent. Thanks for understanding that my mom is my best friend, and that will never change. Thanks for fueling my addiction for Michael’s and all things pumpkin spice. Thanks for laughing at my not-so-funny jokes and for not being embarrassed that I say “fuck” a whole lot more than I should.

But mostly, thanks for loving the good, bad, happy, weird, fucked up parts of me. The woman who used to think she was unloveable.

All my love,

Erin (your girlfriend/wife/cat mommy)

 

Ipsy Bag August 2014

I know, August is almost over. I almost missed the deadline to write this blog post. This month has just been crazy, between signing for my first ever big girl apartment, dating, un-dating (is that a word?), work stress, and a car accident in the work van, I have hardly had time to think straight (that’s my sort of apology)!

Anyway, back to the blog post.

This month’s theme was Beauty Schooled. I loved the bag it came in so much. It’s different from any other bag we’ve gotten, and it works perfectly in my purse to hold my random beauty odds and ends.

 

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Dr. Brandt “Pores No More” Pores Refiner ($45 full sized)- I already fell in love with this brand from a previous Ipsy bag. This primer went on silky smooth and gave my make up some extra lasting power. I didn’t notice a huge difference with my pore size, but it’s a great primer. 

Urban Decay Perversion Mascara ($22 full sized)- Y’all already know how much I freaking love Urban Decay, and this mascara is another major winner. It makes my lashes dark and full and super long. Once I finish my Calvin Klein mascara and this mini guy, I will be buying a full sized. 

J. Cat Beauty Flying Solo Eye Shadow in Half Naked ($2.99 full sized)- Y’all also know I love full sized samples. This was a very pretty, subtle shade of peach. I enjoyed how sleek it was when you put it on. It’s perfect for me when I’m in uniform at work; nothing too intense!

Jersey Shore Sun Mongongo Lip Conditioner ($5.50 full sized)- Another full sized product! I will admit, I am not one who looks at beauty products to be organic. I just haven’t had good luck with organic products; they just don’t seem to work well. So I love it when I stumble upon an organic product that works. This chapstick is so smooth and has major staying power. I will love this product in the winter months. 

Klorane Dry Shampoo with Oat Milk ($19.50 full sized)- I have already tried this product, which was sent to me previously in my Birchbox subscription. I liked it then, and I like it now. Mini dry shampoos are awesome to keep in my desk or take with me on mini trips. This one smells amazing and leaves little to no residue in my hair. Major win.

How was your Ipsy box this month?!

 

I inadvertently pepper sprayed my family and other things I’ve done in the past 7 days

Yeah, you read that right. 

Tonight I decided to try out a new Pinterest recipe; shrimp tostadas. They are extremely good, but the recipe required a decent amount of cayenne pepper. I didn’t think anything of it. I started cooking. And then I started coughing. And sneezing. And my eyes were watering. Keep in mind, I got sprayed in the academy (and I like to tell people it’s like someone grinding hot sand into your eyes without you being able to see anything), but I could not figure it out! And then my mom and dad started sneezing. And my mom had to use her rescue inhaler. And once we could all breathe air again (opened a lot of windows/ate dinner outside), I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe. Again.

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I also used my Julep wand and dotting tool again. Please ignore my hot mess cuticles (“My nail beds suck”- NAME THAT MOVIE (it’s Mean Girls)). 

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I spent a lot of time with Daisy at the pool. She enjoys it when I float around on a raft, because she then throws her ball in the pool and tries to jump on me/get me soaking wet. I also am now repping some sweet raccoon eyes.

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I also got the phone call this week that my friend and I had gotten approved for our new apartment! It’s going to be completely built in December, so we have a few months to save and buy random shit and stockpile, which is what I’ve already started doing.

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I ended up spending $53 in Kohl’s (not pictured: wine stoppers. Very important) and earned $10 Kohl’s cash. I then went to Target and couponed my little heart out. My haul was $65, and I saved $62. Not bad, huh?

 

Hope everyone else’s week was just as wonderful!

Love With Food Box August 2014

Hey y’all. I had a super shitty Tuesday, so it was nice to come home to goodies from the mailman. It’s even better when it’s food! Love With Food is such a great company. For $10 a month, you get 5+ samples of yummy food delivered to your mailbox. The company will also donate a meal to a hungry child.

This month’s theme was Fun at the County Fair, which ties in so well with summer. I am already obsessed with this box. I can’t wait to try everything.

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1. Montreal Steak Spice Seasoning Potato Chips by Covered Bridge- I love steak and I love potatoes. I can’t wait to eat these.
2. Pineapple + Coconut Fruit Ice by Smooze!- Who doesn’t love popsicles? I also love the fact that I can pronoun and have heard of everything in this product.
3. Cinnamon Grahams by Skeeter Nut Free- These remind me of Teddy Grahams shaped like squirrels. They’re also made out of whole wheat flour, which is great to see.
4. Salty Peanut Salt Water Taffy by Salty Road- I love salted caramel anything, so I’m sold right away.
5. Lollipops by Yumearth- I’m eating one of these as I type! They are organic, gluten-free, and vegan, all of which is “in” right now. But they’re so delish, it doesn’t matter.
6. Crispy Cheddar by Back to Nature- The description next to these is “just like the crackers you loved as a kid, but without all the junk.” I love Cheez-Its, so if these are free of preservatives, count me in!
7. Kettle Sweet Peanuts by Love With Food- Sweet, salty, and nutty; yum!
8. Nutty Rice Bites with Blueberries by 180 Snacks- The package is so appealing, I can’t wait to dive in.

I am so pumped for this month’s box. Have I convinced you to try Love With Food? Click here: http://lovewithfood.com/invite?m=r&ref=ADJ

Julep Wand Review

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I subscribed to the Julep box. For $19.99 a month, you get a choice of up to 3 nail polishes, nail products, or beauty products. I am about to cancel mine (because I am a broke bitch), so I wanted to make sure I purchased everything I wanted before I did so.

A few months ago, I purchased the Julep wand.
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The Julep wand promises to have you painting nails like a pro. When you hold it in your dominant hand, hold it like a pen to paint your nails. For your non dominant hand, the wand actually bends.

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That way, you can put the wand in the crook of your non dominant hand to paint your dominant hand. It takes some getting used to. However, I feel like I am pretty used to painting both hands and have my own method. So, I bought the wand for the cool add-ons you can purchase.

But! I didn’t read exactly what I was buying before I bought it. You can purchase add ons for the wand for precision brushing (like a french manicure) and a dotting tool. The wand itself is magnetic, so you can change out the parts.

I finally bought the add ons about a week ago, and they showed up today. The weather has been super crappy for the past 3 weekends, so I tried it out today.

Cast of characters:

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I painted my nails per usual with the Butter nail polish. Consumers note: I bought this when I had extra points available at Ulta to see if it was worth the difference in price. As far as I can tell, it’s not much different than OPI or Essie. I then painted an accent nail with the Sally Hansen crushed gem polish, because I freaking love accent nails. I then tried out the dotting tool with the yellow Julep color. It worked really well for my dominant hand, but for the other, it took a little getting used to. I will probably experiment a little more before I can be deemed a pro.

Here’s how it turned out:

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All in all, I do enjoy the Julep wand. I’m hoping I can get more comfortable with it and crank out nail decorations like a pro.

Is anyone else a Julep Maven/love any of their products? Comment below!

Someone sent me to Target alone

This week, I did a Target coupon trip. I was up North for training, I figured I’d go ahead and incorporate a trip to my favorite store.

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Anyway, my Mom usually goes with me and is my right hand woman. She helps me keeps my coupons in order (sometimes they HAVE to be), finds products, helps me do math (I’m a probation officer for a reason), and pacifies my OCD. This time she couldn’t come with me, so I had to fight the battle on my own.

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This haul cost me about $93, but I saved $69. Plus, I got another pair of sweet pants, so it was a good day.