I can’t stop thinking about babies, but not why you think.

Let me start by saying that I am totally, completely, sometimes painfully, single.

I am not seeing anyone. I tried match.com, hated it, and deactivated my subscription. I don’t like meeting random guys at the bars because well…yeah. My job doesn’t exactly lend itself to meeting men (plus I swear to God that Troopers practice arranged marriages/Mom always told me to be a cop’s SECOND wife). I have a few guys I talk to occasionally, but nothing promising.

And to be even more honest with you, I’m not sure I have any desire to be in a relationship right now. The whole process of learning who someone is romantically, getting intimate, having him meet my family, integrating him with my friends, and just plain giving up being selfish to do what I want to do when I want to do it sounds smothering.

However, at almost 25 in a small town, everyone around me is getting married or having kids or both. So, of course, I can’t help but consider what kind of mother I’d be when the time comes.

Actually, let me clarify; IF that time comes. Don’t get me wrong, motherhood looks incredible, and I bet it’s amazing to have a child grow inside of you. My mom is my best friend, and I am thankful for her everyday.

But motherhood just seems to be so…much. Crying babies in restaurants annoy the shit out of me. Kids who run around and wreak havoc as moms look on drive me nuts. Babies are cute, but they all look the same. And no, I don’t give a shit about your kid eating gluten free and avoiding red dye like the plague.

People tell me I will change my mind. And I may. I may meet the love of my life and want to reproduce with him. I also may stay unmarried but feel that pull to have or adopt a child. But if I don’t and continue to feel this way, does this make me less of a woman? I’d like to think not.

Regardless, where did all these children come from?!

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