Word therapy

I’ve been struggling with a few things here lately. I just turned 25 Saturday, and a part of me is wondering if I’m “behind” for this age group. Sure, I have a job I love making decent money, and I have an apartment at the beach (something I’ve always wanted), but I am very much single. What’s more, I’ve allowed the ex that broke my heart back into my life.

I know. Please don’t yell at me. But I loved him so much, the kind of love that doesn’t go away, even if you hate that person to the nth degree. We’re not getting back together. He swears that he can’t (homeboy has more issues than a Times subscription), and I don’t think my pride would allow it. But that hasn’t stopped him from fucking with me.

So today, I’m promising myself a few things.

Today, I will…

  1. Be the keeper of my own happiness.
  2. Fake it until I feel happy.
  3. Not allow someone talking to me (or not speaking to me) effect how my day will go.
  4. Not talk to my ex.
  5. Forgive myself for what happened yesterday or last month or last year.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I don’t know if I will ever see him again, or if we’ll ever speak again. I can’t control what he does. I can only control myself, and I have to allow that to be enough for today.

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